Monday, April 4, 2011

Scars On My Heart

Mr. Webster's definition of the word wound is as follows:
1) an injury in which tissue is cut, torn, etc
2) any hurt to the feelings, honor, etc

the definition of the word scar is as follows:
1) a mark left after a wound, burn, etc. has healed
2) the lasting mental or emotional effects of form a scar in healing

I think you know where this message is going.  It is a message God has put on my heart for the past several days as snippets of thoughts here and there as I progressed through my days.  It is as if He is gently tugging these thoughts out of my mind this morning.  When I came to the computer, I didn't know this would be the subject of today's Nan's Calendar.  It is a message from God through me to you.  He knows someone, somewhere needs to hear this message today, not tomorrow or last week or last month, but today.
There is a vast difference between a wound and a scar.  A scar can only be complete in its form when there is absolutely no existence of or potential for infection.  I am here to encourage the walking wounded hearts in the world.  I fully understand about emotional and spiritual wounds.  I can talk about sexual abuse without panic or fear or shame or guilt.  That is because I have been totally healed by God Almighty Himself.  I have no panic attacks, no flashbacks, no nightmares and no insecurities.   My scars are so faint now that they are barely noticeable.  I hope you can feel the compassion and the love in my heart as I type this message to you. 
There are all kinds of emotional and spiritual wounds.  God created that person who wounded you and God still loves that person, too.  God created you and loves you.  God didn't abandon you.  God created the person who abused me; one I admired and trusted with the faith of a child.  My trust was shattered.  I was 16 when it began.  The words were locked in my heart.  I suffered in silence to protect particular loved ones from the shame and disgrace of it all.  I endured what I had to rather than spill the awful truth and ruin other lives in the process.  
It was 17 years before I could even say out loud I had been abused.  By that time, those I protected had passed away.  I was probably about 33 years of age when the truth came out of my mouth.  I forgave the one who abused me (in my heart, because I was several states away and with two precious children and a husband I treasure).   And believe it or not, it was a saint of a man who God placed in my life to help me say it out loud.  Mr. Bob was an angel in disguise.  We only knew each other 13 months and God called him home.  His impact in my life will never be forgotten.  I am also very grateful for my precious husband in my life.  Allen is a gift from God and I will praise God all the days of my life for bringing him to me as a blind date in the summer of 1983.  I forgave in my heart and God was my witness.  I forgave because I didn't want to miss one bit of life with Allen and our children.  They are more important to me than there words to express.  The healing truly begins when we forgive the one who wronged us..... no if's, and's, or but's.  
We need all the encouragement we can get.  If you are one of the walking wounded, my heart goes out to you.  I've been one of the walking wounded, too.  People can only have power over us if we give it to them.  Granted, they may be physically stronger, but God gives us a strength beyond our comprehension.   We can't change what happened.  That's history.  Dwelling on it and reliving the scenes won't help; that just keeps them in real time.  Let go of any and all thoughts that cause infection.  They are the negative thoughts you've been holding on to.  They are the fears, the guilt, the shame.  The memories fade when we place our focus on something positive and continue to think positively.  I live in the present.  The events of the past have no power over me.  If I lived in the past, I would miss the beauty and love all around me today.
Think about a microscope and the subject matter on the glass plate.  We examine the subject (the person who abused) because we think we need to know more in order to understand the why of it all.  When we adjust the focus to the point of the subject being out of focus, we only see a blur.  We have to back off and adjust the focus.  As we adjust our focus, the subject diminishes in size and importance.
Imagine the subject of your hurt and pain as a droplet on the glass.  Right now, it may be magnified to the point that it seems huge and it's right in your face as you look through the lens of the microscope.  Its appearance under the scope is distorted and scary, to say the least.  Let God take control.  Lift your head.  Step back and readjust your focus on something else.  You don't have to keep the history of your life under the microscope.  
Your wounds will heal.  I hope and pray your healing is complete before years go by.  However, if that's the case, remember it's never too late to heal.  No matter the depth of your wounds, God can cleanse them and heal them.  There may be a little more pain involved as He cleans them, but trust Him.  Let Him.  Put your very life in His hands and trust Him.  I'm living proof.  I have beautiful scars on my heart to prove it.  If I didn't share my story with you, you may have never known I had been sexually abused.  I am here to be a witness for you, because I know my God healed my wounds.   He will heal your wounds and you will, at some point in time, be able and ready to be a witness to someone else that God healed your wounds, too.  You will be able to talk about the beautiful scars on your heart.  Beloved, you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Nan

Scars on My Heart

scars on my heart
after it was torn apart
wounds have healed just fine
show me yours - I’ll show you mine
my scars I’ll happily reveal
‘cause my wounds Jesus did heal
some think a scar is an ugly sight
a scar is beautiful - I said it right
a scar indicates I survived
because on Jesus I relied
every scar has a story behind it
and the truth I’ll gladly admit
upon request, my scars I’ll display
tell me about your scars today
are the wounds on your heart healed
ask Jesus and they’ll be forever sealed
written by: Nan Forehand
Wednesday, September 20, 2006

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